Talking to your Kids about your Divorce
We understand that talking with your children about your impending divorce can be a monumental task. Whether you and your spouse are on the same page or not, The Law Office of Erin M. Wilson LLC is here to provide tips on how to discuss this with your child. Also, remember that seeking the assistance of a mental health professional before you have that conversation or after as the children process the idea, is always a good idea. We work with many therapists and are happy to provide you with a trusted referral.
1. Reassure your child that the decision to get divorced is not their fault. – Children can incorrectly perceive the root of arguments, painful conversations, and yelling between parents to be because of them. Children often times think that if they were not around that their parents would be in love and the relationship would work. Although children can bring up different challenges for couples, all divorced couples can agree that their children are not the reason that their relationship dissolved and divorce was necessary. Letting your child know that both parties always agree that the children’s best interest is always the most important thing to them is a powerful message of love and care that the child can 100% benefit from even if they do not show you that they appreciate it.
2. Never speak poorly about the other parent in front of your child. – Children are like sponges who often internalize their feelings of sadness, anger, and confusion. Speaking negatively about the other parent in front of your child is not fair. Children do not ever wish to think of their parents in a negative way or take on a parent’s feelings of hurt that can be present in a romantic relationship. A child’s relationship with their father or mother is NOT the same as a spousal relationship. Remember that your child should not be groomed to get involved in the messiness and raw emotions of the adults getting the divorce.
3. Continue to bond with your child and continue to engage in activities with your child that you did pre-divorce - Although it can be great to create new and fun traditions with your child now that your family structure looks different, it is important to continue some of the traditions and norms from before the divorce. This can reassure the child that their life does not have to completely change and become different, but let’s the two of you continue some of the everyday things that the two of you enjoyed together! Remember that too many transitions for your child in a short time frame can be stressful and its important to keep some routine.
4. Don’t be Afraid to let your child’s teachers, coaches, other parents/families, and mental health professionals know what is going on! One of the best (and low-key) ways to support and communicate with your child about your divorce is through the child’s community. Your child spends a lot of their time at school, sports, and with friends. It is important that parents keep in mind that their child may not speak to them directly about their feelings about the divorce and may instead turn to their friends and outside support system. Letting other adults in the child’s life know what is going on can help them understand and be sensitive to what your child may be going through.
Family law attorneys know that taking the beginning steps towards a divorce can be painful and challenging. However, delaying a divorce when you are unhappy is NOT healthy for the children involved. Though some people may think that staying together for your child is better than breaking up a family, a family law attorney would advise otherwise. Children are sensitive to tension and conflict and especially do not enjoy being in the middle of a tense situation with their parents. Instead of explaining to your child why you are staying in a relationship that is not working, begin communicating about the situation and possible divorce. You may be pleasantly surprised at how your divorce can positively impact your child’s life.
NOTICE: This blog is intended solely for informational purposes and should not be construed as providing legal advice. Please feel free to contact us with any questions you may have regarding this blog post.